- April Simpkins published her daughter Cheslie Kryst's memoir after the ex-Miss USA died by suicide.
- She described the pain of losing her child in an interview with Business Insider.
- Simpkins has since become a health advocate, committed to overcoming the stigma of mental illness.
Over the years, April Simpkins had become used to her thoughtful daughter, former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst, sending her care packages full of goodies.
But, when she received the last delivery — a few weeks before Kryst died by suicide in January 2022 — she saw that it contained a few of the 30-year-old's personal items.
"It didn't mean anything to me at the time, but hindsight is 20/20," Simpkins said. "I talked to people after Cheslie passed, and they said one of the signs is someone beginning to give their things away."
Simpkins spoke to Business Insider following the release of Kryst's posthumous memoir, "By The Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie's Smile and Mental Health.
The title comes from the text that Simpkins received from her child on the day she died. In part, it said, "By the time you get this, I won't be alive anymore."
Simpkins — who said Kryst suffered from "high-functioning depression which she hid from everyone" — wrote the introduction and ending to the book that Kryst had started.
"She asked me to see that the book got published," Simpkins said, referencing instructions that Kryst left after her death. "She wanted to share her story and the struggle she faced."
Kryst's sections of the narrative covered her childhood, high school and college athlete years, successful career as an attorney, and competing in beauty pageants.
Pageant queen Kryst, an attorney, was hired as a TV correspondent after her win
In the book, Kryst wrote about her pride in being among only 12 Black women to win Miss USA since the competition launched in 1957.
"There weren't enough Black women competing, advancing to the finals, and there was a frustrating prevalence of the token Black girl in the top five, year after year without a Black winner," she wrote.
Kryst's coronation as Miss USA 2019 was particularly significant because she triumphed the same year that Black women won two other major pageants.
Five months into her reign, Kryst joined the TV show "Extra" as a New York correspondent.
Still, despite her achievements, she second-guessed herself. Parts of the memoir focused on her feelings of "imposter syndrome" and "utter exhaustion."
"My mental health was hanging by a thread," she wrote in one chapter. She also spoke about insecurities caused by internet trolls and "sugar binges."
Simpkins told BI that her daughter was a perfectionist. It came at a cost.
Kryst showed signs of stress from time to time
"It worked to her detriment because it caused exhaustion and burnout," Simpkins said. She said Kryst put on a brave face, showing showed signs of stress now and again but downplaying them.
Simpkins once suggested she employ a part-time assistant to help her balance her legal career, Miss USA commitments, and philanthropic work.
"She placated me with, 'Thanks for thinking of me,' and 'That's very sweet of you, Mom,'" Simpkins said.
Simpkins told BI that she first became concerned about Kryst's moods and behaviors when she started law school in North Carolina.
Kryst said she didn't want to worry her mom about her mental state
"I began to notice a difference in her personality — not all the time, just these moments when she didn't seem herself," she said. "She dismissed it by saying she was tired, studying for her exams. It seemed plausible."
Then, in 2015, Kryst took a drug overdose. Simpkins, who flew to her side, said her daughter "seemed annoyed" when she arrived at the hospital.
"It wasn't out of any animosity toward me," she said, "She didn't want me there because she didn't want me to worry.
Kryst, who underwent psychological treatment, was diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder, a condition chronic causing persistent low-level depression. "I think it can leave the person with the mindset of, 'It's not major depressive disorder, it's just persistently there,'" Simpkins said of Kryst's mindset.
The mom said she was thrilled by her daughter's dedication when she won Miss USA in May 2019.
"I loved that Cheslie doubled down on the fact that you don't have to give one thing up for another," she told BI. "She showed that you can be an attorney, an athlete, and a pageant queen."
Kryst's reign as Miss USA lasted over 18 months because of the pandemic. Her hectic schedule — she once visited four states in 24 hours — included speaking events where she talked about feminism and pageantry.
Kryst didn't fully recognize her extraordinary value as a role model
Still, the role model to women and girls — including many in Black community — never fully recognized her individual worth, according to her mother. On January 30, 2022, she died by suicide.
In the book, Simpkins described receiving Kryst's final text message.
"My words couldn't register the words on the screen," she wrote. "I read them again and again and screamed from a place in my soul that I didn't know existed."
She called Cheslie's number, but there was no answer. When contacted, the police told the family that medics were already "on the scene."
"It was a glimmer of hope," Simpkins, who rushed to the airport, told BI. However, moments before take-off, she learned that Cheslie had died.
Simpkins said that her daughter was a strong person
In her interview with BI, Simpkins, now an ambassador for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, said Kryst's last care package may have hinted at her intentions.
"I've discovered a lot since we lost her," the mom, who has established The Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation to improve the mental well-being of teens and young adults, added.
"Every single day was a decision to continue the fight," Simpkins said of her daughter's "daily battle" with depression. "It is so important to me to declare her victory."
If you or someone you know is experiencing depression or has had thoughts of harming themself or taking their own life, get help. In the US, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress, as well as best practices for professionals and resources to aid in prevention and crisis situations. Help is also available through the Crisis Text Line — just text "HOME" to 741741. The International Association for Suicide Prevention offers resources for those outside the US.